Welcome, Biohacked listeners! I’m flattered the story moved you enough to come visit. Isn’t TJ Raphael an incredible journalist?
I’m doing regular updates on Twitter instead of this blog, so would you kindly click the follow button below, please?
Follow @DonorPrivacySome of you came here to tell me what a terrible person I am, and that’s ok—I can take it. No one forced me to become a donor and so I do take some responsibility for the events that occurred as a result, decades later.
Let me say in my defense:
- Anonymous sperm donors are by their very nature unavailable and incommunicado, but I’m willing to be an exception and engage. I’m not necessarily sure you ought to focus your anger at me—after all, I didn’t create the system.
- While I have great admiration for how TJ crafts stories, it wasn’t told how I would have told it. For example, I know the part about hands moved many people. BUT: be rational—that didn’t remotely justify giving out my name against my will. (love ya, Mom!)
- For me, I wish the story had been more about my desire not to have a particular rude person come into my life and manipulate a vulnerable older family member into making plans to meet without me there. (Among many other offenses!)
- I know the DNA detectives are on the case, but nevertheless I strongly oppose laws like the one passed in Australia that hasten the end of anonymity, and I’d like to point a critical detail that wasn’t mentioned: you can be fined $10,000 in Australia if you contact a donor under this new law without his consent.
- Karen is employed as a social worker (MSSW) and should have known better. Respecting confidentiality and self-determination (the right to live your life the way you want to) are two core ethical principles of this profession, applying not just to clients of the social worker but also to the community at large.
- Karen was never interested in getting to know either me or my mother as individual human beings deserving of respect, nor was she interested in whether making contact with us would hurt her parents (it did). It was more akin to a USDA inspector wanting to see if the breeding stock deserved a stamp of approval. After their Christmas 2019 visit, Karen never spoke to Mom again, her curiosity having been satisfied.
- If only I’d had Amber (from episode 1 and 2) instead of Karen! I found her story incredibly moving and I particularly admire the way she didn’t try to force her way into her donor’s life, instead patiently waiting until he was ready for contact. Amber didn’t need an advanced degree in social work in order to know how to behave appropriately, just empathy and common decency.
My email address is my pseudonym, mike, followed by “AT” symbol, and ending with this domain “dontpri.org”. I’d particularly like to hear from:
- Still anonymous sperm donors who would prefer to stay that way. If there’s enough interest, eventually I’d like to create a very strictly screened private forum where our issues can be discussed. It’s ok to want to stay anonymous!
- Journalists interested in going deeper into the story. There is a lot that didn’t make it to air, and a lot more has happened since, almost enough to fill a book.
Thanks for reading!
–Mike
